Fear, my days are run mostly by fear. Fear with a complex mix of grief, guilt and anxiety running alongside of it.
Pregnancy after loss is a battle fuelled by anxiety, it is hard both emotionally and physically. It is a struggle each day where complex conflicting emotions coexist. In an ideal world raw early stage grief and growing a new baby shouldn’t be 2 entities that ever occur simultaneously.
Whilst we appreciate just how lucky we are to be pregnant and we are extremely happy to have this opportunity again, our raw grief and pain still continues. We have still only recently lost our very much wanted Son and most days I generally feel overwhelmed by the conflicting emotions. I feel conflicted on a daily basis, which is one of the main reasons we have chosen to keep this pregnancy quiet for so long. Hopeful feelings towards this new pregnancy on top of all the raw grief I feel for Arthur mean that anxiety and new fears have hit me especially hard. Continue reading “Fear & Anxiety: The complexities of pregnancy after loss”